i want some good hard partying. i’ve been stuck in this house for too long. and i think that good night out is just the thing i need.
i also want to burn some serious cash. i haven’t bought a thing in almost a week and its killing me. haha. exaggerate much?
why-oh-why am i so displeased with everything. er, not really everything, but with a lot of things. with that in mind, i keep on thinking about how i am unsatisfied unless i’ve done something wrong. i know its a bit paradoxical compared with what i said in my last entry, in which i said that i always had a sense of doing what is right. but the instantaneous thrill of knowing that i did something not quite right is just too good to resist.
i have an excessively long list of all the damage i’ve managed to procure in my four years in high school. of course i wouldn’t just post it all here, that would be a complete catastrophe. but all i can say is that karma’s a bitch. haha. i’ve pretty much learned all my lessons the hard way.
it requires an ardous effort in admitting all the mistakes i’ve done before. i cry like a baby when it all comes back to me. but i feel somewhat alleviated to have gone through all that. it makes me realize how much more important the present is compared to the past. i now know that i have no control whatsoever over the future. i can’t manipulate people or events so that things turn out my way.
i can only hope for the best.
June 11, 2009
random music selection.
who knew it could result to such disastrous memories?
i found this band and instantly got hooked.
they’re certainly songs to love and die by.
it gets me thinking.
“I’m stuck
I’m out of luck
And trying to talk my way out of this
Even fog lifts, but not this
No, not this”
we always want what we can never have.
with 8mm’s “no way back” on repeat, nothing else occupies my mind except the cold truth that nothing is like how they were. i’ve stopped orchestrating new schemes to make things better, there just isn’t any cure for this kind of thing. i simply have to live life as it is. i’ve risked everything for him.
i’ve been getting better at telling him all i’ve wanted to say. i can feel that there are times when he doesn’t want to hear any of it, but usually he respects my opinions and silently takes in the words pouring out of me. he’s way too generous for someone like me.
“There’s no way you’re coming back.”
a definitive conclusion to all this.
June 2, 2009
i take it all back.
yes, all trillion plus words and tears of it.
it may have been only just a few days back since i declared all that “forever” crap, but its been long enough for me to understand that i deserve so much more than that.
i am not the martyr that i used to be. i don’t feel like living up to all that bull.
fortunately [or UNfortunately, whichever you prefer], i am proudly flaunting the shiny new coat of armor i have on me. its most outstanding features is its ability to repel against jerks like him.
like duh, i’ve been to hell and back just to tell him how much he means to me and how i think we are perfect for each other. but of course, nothing came out of my efforts.
i am sick and done with him. he may have played a significant role in my life, but all that’s a part of my past na.
so better prepare yourselves ladies and gentlemen.
the bitch is back.
May 19, 2009
i thought i’d be numb from all of this. but its quite the opposite.
tonight i said goodbye but i should have said more. thanks for the best time of my life.
i feel free somehow. i know that this decision may not be the best for all of us, but its surely what’s right for me. i don’t have to pretend anymore. its the absolute most natural thing in the world for me to do.
i don’t care if he doesn’t feel the same way. as long as i know that it makes me happy to love him, i’ll stay adamant and true.
i don’t need his assurance. i’m fine with whatever he’s got to offer, even friendship.
i was a fool to think that i should be where i am supposed to be rather than to be where i want to. i can see the difference now.
thank you for everything
come home, now that you’re gone i’ve finally realized
that you were the best
come home, i won’t forget the times that we had
so please don’t be a part of my past.
please?
May 15, 2009
since music is such a huge part of my life, i listen to it even in my sleep. and that’s probably one of my craziest habits. i have the radio on in my room from the time i go to bed until i wake up.
i love listening to magic 89.9, especially the boys night out program.
i like listening to a wide range of music an my mood’s usually what dictates me to listen toa specific genre. 89.9 offers the range that i usually listen to. they play alternative rock, hiphop and r&b, pop rock and almost everything in between which is just the way i like it.
as i’ve mentioned before, i love boys night out. they’re super wacky and they help me switchto a lighter mood after a long, tiring day. they are already celebrities on their own. people know about them and they already have a huge fanbase. they are not afraid to express their opinions on normal kinds of topics. haha. they just tell it as it is, which is pretty rare these days ;D.
May 10, 2009
i both like local and foreign brands. i think that its okay for me to go out and buy the latest trends from my favorite foreign boutiques as long as i don’t forget to value my own country’s products.
pinoy music is made from such a beautiful array of influences creating a unique blend of harmony in a class all its own.
i admit that i don’t enjoy watching tagalog tv series. i find it hard to catch up to the dialect and the plot. i prefer watching foreign tv shows and movies because i feel that i can understand them better.
pinoy pride is what each and every filipino has inside of them for their country. it may vary from one person to another, but it is instilled in us. it is the one true thing we filipinos have in common.
May 10, 2009
i don’t remember using a new products this summer, all of new the things i tried were food!
the tv commercials which caught my eye were mostly of ice cream. haha. i’m such an ice cream junkie. its funny how a sinle commercial spanning just a couple of seconds can actually persuade you to buy the product.
one of my all-time favorites is cornetto coffee caramel ice cream. its best eaten with friends ;D.
May 10, 2009
the perfect summer wouldn’t be complete without the perfect summer gear. and so below is the list of my own summer must-haves from head to toe ;D.
1. cool shades - its an essential part of a beach bum’s travel pack. i need this to protect my eyes from the harsh rays of the sun.
2. stylish swimsuit - for this season’s trends, monokins are the way to go. its great for girls like me who want to be tastefully exposed ;D. it shows my curves without making me look like a baby prostitute. haha.
3. comfortable footwear - of course flipflops are still all the rage for its durability and reliability in coping with all your summer travels. but who said that they can’t be chic? and yes, i’m still a sucker for ipanema flipflops. they’re cute and they come in the most glamorous of colors ;D.
4. protective sun lotion - i’m still rooting for nivea products. especially the sun sprays. unlike lotions, you won’t be worried of applying too much product on your skin since its in a spray bottle.
so there. my summer must-haves ;D.
May 9, 2009
in our family, summer vacations are not always a priority. there’d always be work to be done by my dad, classes to be attended by my brother and workshops to be facilitated by my sister. almost on any given day, you wouldn’t be able to find us all 5 at home, because we’re usually leading our own lives. but sometimes, when all our schedules are in sync, we do have a blast.
most of our out-of-town trips were ideas brought on by a sudden whim. my mom’s craving for fresh mangoes? off we go to batangas. my own desire to eat mushroom burgers? then we go to tagaytay. and the list goes on and on.
so if you were to ask me what my summer destinations were, you wouldn’t exactly get a straight answer. all our summerescapades depend on our spontaneity.
May 9, 2009
after graduation, i expected a great sigh of relief. surprisingly, i wasn’t too emotional about the whole event. i just walked on proudly as i received my diploma and award.
i associate a great big party hat with graduation because of the slamming parties i’ll be going to. haha.
i think that the significance of getting my diploma would be the final reward for all the hard work i’ve invested over the years. it’s only just a piece of parchment, but it means so much more than that.
five years from now, i see myself as a party planner working in my dad’s company. that vision is so clear in my head that am super determined to make it happen ;D.
April 8, 2009
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